In The Clear

Dear readers,

A couple of weeks ago, I celebrated the news that I was once again in the clear. 'From what?' you ask.

'A criminal charge relating to one of your many bank heists?'

'The horrifying ancient curse an angry fortune-teller wrought upon you for reasons you will never disclose?'

'An STI?'

Thankfully, it is none of those; it is something far more dull and far more real. Once again, I am rid of the auto-immune inflammatory condition named uveitis, which has plagued me since my teens. I say 'once again' because it has come and gone many times before, and because I'm aware that it's only a matter of time before it returns.

So in order for you to understand both my joy and melancholy at the news, I suppose I had better explain what the condition is.

As I stated above, uveitis is an inflammatory condition, and it affects the middle layer of tissue in the eye. It can have a number of causes, including injury or infection, but in my own case the cause is autoimmune. This means that the inflammation is caused by my own immune system, mistaking normal cells for unhealthy ones and attacking them. The underlying cause of this is a gene called HLA B27, which relates to other autoimmune conditions such as psoriasis, Crohn's Disease and certain types of arthritis.

Whenever I get over-stressed or put my body under pressure, my immune system freaks out. Like a disgruntled drama queen, it launches itself at the healthy tissue in my eyes and wreaks havoc. It causes my eyes to become red, sore, and very sensitive to light. Eventually, my vision becomes blurred, and if it isn't quickly treated, I could go blind.

Thankfully, it has been treated swiftly and accurately by the excellent ophthalmology staff at my local hospital. It's usually treated with steroid eye drops, but I've also had injections of steroids too, to bring down more serious inflammation. It's been on and off since I was around 14 years old, fluctuating between chronic and recurrent. Sometimes I can have up to a year between flare-ups, sometimes only a couple of months' respite.Then, just after receiving the happy news that I'm inflammation-free, it's back to the hospital. More drops. More creams. More hours off work and dark sunglasses and pain.

As with my other chronic health conditions, I've been on a long journey to accept the recurrent nature of my uveitis. I no longer panic when I feel the pain; instead I just sigh as if to say 'here we go again.' Yet I still can't help but feel nervous at each appointment, because I've received so much bad news in the past. There have been may times when my symptoms have felt as though they're abating, when I'm expecting nothing but good news, only to be told the opposite. Some of my most upsetting medical experiences have revolved around it. It's a complicated condition, and it's left me with a lot of complicated feelings about my health, my vision and hospitals.

And yet here I am, safe, healthy and free of inflammation... for now. Out of the woods for now. My vision (albeit damaged from previous flare-ups) preserved for now. I'm quite happy to celebrate that, and to sit content that once again, I've been told 'you're all clear!'

Thanks for reading,

Rebecca